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5 Wishes When Near Death

5 Wishes When Near Death

Mom's Funeral

Let’s face it Baby Boomers, even though we think we’re invincible, we won’t live forever.  So let’s keep living life to the fullest!   While we do, we probably want to evaluate our life priorities.

Here are 5 reasons to live life well now so you don’t have life regrets when your near the end of life.  Now is the time to think about this and make changes before regrets arise.

Top five regrets of the dying,

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

What’s your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

The top five regrets of the dying
A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy Montgomery Martin / Alamy/Alamy
Mom and Dad

Mom and Dad

One thing you and I, as aging Boomers, are starting to face is the death of our parents. I’ve been lucky as Dad is 96 and Mom lived to be 93.

But now, she is gone………..

“Memories of our lives, or our works and deeds will continue in others.” Rosa Parks

On July 7th, 2012, as I was waiting for a fallen state troopers funeral procession to pass, my Mom passed away. For some reason I was meant to solemnly experience the grief of the Troopers mourners rather than to be at Mom’s side during her passing. I’ve heard it said, “Even death has a heart.”. I guess it’s true.

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” Isaac Asimov

And so it was with Mom. She enjoyed life, getting the most out of each moment and sharing it with her sons and others. You could tell when something touched her, she would use phrases like, “It’s just wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.”. “Look how RED the earth is here.”. She would say to my wife, “when we’re together every moment is a holiday.”

“Every mans life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.” Ernest Hemingway

As they removed Mom’s body, a gusty wind blew hard, holding the door open, the rain began, and lightening and thunder were in the sky. And then it was quiet again, the cleansing and passing complete.

Now, memories of her passion and love are all we have.

I miss you already, love, your son, John.

Death

Death

“Memories of our lives, or our works and deeds will continue in others.” Rosa Parks

On July 7th, 2012, as I was waiting for a fallen state troopers funeral procession to pass, my Mom passed away. For some reason I was meant to solemnly experience the grief of the Troopers mourners rather than to be at Mom’s side during her passing. I’ve heard it said, “Even death has a heart.”. I guess it’s true.

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” Isaac Asimov

And so it was with Mom. She enjoyed life, getting the most out of each moment and sharing it with her sons and others. You could tell when something touched her, she would use phrases like, “It’s just wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.”. “Look how RED the earth is here.”. She would say to my wife, “when we’re together every moment is a holiday.”

“Every mans life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.” Ernest Hemingway

As they removed Mom’s body, a gusty wind blew hard, holding the door open, the rain began, and lightening and thunder were in the sky. And then it was quiet again, the cleansing and passing complete.

Now, memories of her passion and love are all we have.

I miss you already, love, your son, John.